i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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