Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
