oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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