one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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