She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
