Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
