Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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