Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
