She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
