do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
