I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
