Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
