too bad you live with your parents still
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
