I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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