college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
