oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
