You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
