I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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