We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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