she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How external is "for external use only"?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
