o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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