The maid of honor just puked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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