I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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