i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
