Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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