Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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