Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
