I wannas sexs uuuuu
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We are all done wearing pants today
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
