mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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