if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sex in a hospital.. check
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
