I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
