Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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