Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
