Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize