your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.