Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
