i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.