someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.