Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now