Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Randomize
Follow @tfln