you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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