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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When are your genitals available?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
