You can't motorboat a personality
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
