I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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