I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
