Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He passed out mid-signature
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
