im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
