remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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