I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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