my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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