is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
