I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
