how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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