I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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