You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
