Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The beer is more important than you right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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