sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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