if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
