lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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