I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize