i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
