I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
