i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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