You can't motorboat a personality
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
