Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
