why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
