I just pynch a tree in the face
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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