You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
