Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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