I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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