I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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