what day is it and did you see me today?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
