peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
not ubering you a puppy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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