he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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