i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
